Letter 4 — 14th December 2020: The Sky Above Shimla, and My Heart with You

 

Letter 4 — 14th December 2020: The Sky Above Shimla, and My Heart with You

Dear Mamma,

I’m back from Bangalore now, sitting quietly in my room, and my heart is still full of everything I felt today. The whole journey back to Yamuna Nagar felt long, not because of time or distance, but because I missed you with every passing moment. I kept thinking about your face, your soft voice, and that warmth only a mother can give—something I never stop craving.

My flight from Bangalore was scheduled in the afternoon. Everything was going smoothly until we reached near Chandigarh. Suddenly, the flight began circling in the sky. After a few minutes, the pilot’s voice came over the speaker—“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, the airport is currently busy, and we haven’t been given permission to land yet. We’ll be in a holding pattern for a while. We’re currently flying over Shimla. Please enjoy the beautiful view.”

As soon as he said Shimla, I turned to the window. Below us, the mountains were shining in the golden glow of the setting sun, wrapped in early winter mist. It was beautiful. Peaceful. The kind of peace I dream of sharing with you.

In that moment, I made a silent promise to myself—once things settle, once life gives us a little space, I will take you there. We will go to Shimla together, you and me. Not just Shimla. I want us to visit all the places you used to talk about—Rameshwaram, Udupi Temple, and every corner of the country where your heart feels peace. We’ll go with Tejas and Dilip. You’ll see how gentle and kind Dilip is. I know you will love his company. You’ll feel like you have another son, not just a son-in-law. I hope you allow yourself to open your heart again to someone who wants to care for you.

Mamma, the plane finally landed in Chandigarh after about 30 minutes of circling. I stepped out with tired legs and a racing heart. I immediately caught a bus to Yamuna Nagar. The roads were quiet, the night was slowly swallowing the last bits of daylight, and I kept looking outside the window thinking about you. I was remembering all the little things—how you used to wait for me when I was little, how you’d worry if I was even ten minutes late, how your love was always ready before I ever asked for it.

It was 9 PM by the time I reached home. As soon as I walked through the gate, I saw you waiting at the door. You looked relieved, your eyes softened, and your arms opened before you even said a word. I rushed into your arms, Mamma, and for that one moment, I felt complete. Being in your embrace felt like a homecoming that no city, no house, no palace in this world could ever match.

But then… I saw something in your eyes—a flicker of sadness, a quiet knowing. As if you already knew that this time, I may not stay long. That I will soon shift to Bangalore. That I will be building a life somewhere else. Your eyes said more than your words ever could. You didn’t ask anything, but I know your heart was whispering a thousand questions: “Will she still need me? Will she still come back? Will she forget what it’s like to be with me every day?”

No, Mamma. You are wrong this time. I am going nowhere without you. Distance might come. Cities might change. New responsibilities might fill my days. But my heart is fixed with you. That is not going to change—not now, not ever.

Sometimes, we argue. Sometimes I get exhausted. Sometimes, I fail to express what I truly feel. There are moments when you are in pain and I feel helpless. There are days I say things I don't mean. But even on those hard days, I want to be the one who holds your hand. I want to be the one who helps you bathe when your knees hurt, just like you bathed me when I was too little to stand. I want to make food for you, serve you lovingly, create new recipes to surprise you—just like you once did to raise me and Renu.

I have about a month now before the big shift. In that time, I need to finish everything here in Yamuna Nagar. And Tejas—he too needs to prepare emotionally. Change is coming for all of us, but I hope it brings peace, not separation. Tejas has started accepting Dilip. He has begun calling him Papa, and though it's still fresh, I can see the comfort in his eyes. It makes me feel less guilty, knowing that maybe—just maybe—he finally has a father figure to look up to.

But at the same time, a part of me is worried about leaving Tejas with you. I want him to be with you because I trust no one else the way I trust you. And I know that if, God forbid, anything ever happened to me—he would still have you. A piece of me. A piece of my heart. A piece of my sunshine.

I know you sometimes think I'm hard on Renu. Maybe I am. Maybe I hold her accountable because I see your pain when she doesn't call or visit. She lives barely 50 kilometers away, Mamma. Two hours by bus. And yet, she hasn’t come to see you in more than two years. I don’t understand how someone can count ₹50 when their mother is growing old and frail and needs nothing but a little time and love.

But I’ve stopped complaining about her now. Because every time I do, people say I’m trying to make her look bad. They don’t understand that I’m not trying to make her look bad—I’m just hurting. Because I wish she loved you the way you deserve to be loved.

I love you, Mamma. And I’ll always carry you in every breath, every prayer, and every decision. I’m not moving away from you—I’m just walking ahead, hoping you’ll follow. And if not today, then someday soon.

Let’s not be afraid of this change. Let’s hold onto each other tightly, like we did when I was small and scared of the dark. You lit my nights with lullabies. Let me now light your evenings with tea, with laughter, with stories from my heart.

I don’t want the world without you in it, Mamma. And as long as I breathe, you will never be alone.

Your daughter, always and forever,
With love and tears,
[Your Name]

Letter 4 — 14th December 2020

From Daughter to Mamma

Dear Mamma,

I’m back from Bangalore, and even though I’ve reached home safely, my heart is still up there in the sky — somewhere above Shimla, where the plane circled this afternoon. The pilot's voice said, “We are flying over Shimla while we wait for landing permission at Chandigarh. Please enjoy the beautiful view.” And I did, Mamma. But all I could think of was you.

The mountains looked like heaven, but I realized I don’t need mountains to feel peace. I just need you. You are my peace, Mamma. My soul’s temple. And I made a silent promise in that moment — one day, we will all go to Shimla together. You, me, Tejas, and Dilip. You’ll enjoy the trip, I know it. You’ll feel like you have a new son. Dilip is kind, Mamma, and I wish you could see how gently he talks, how lovingly he asks about you.

After landing at Chandigarh, I caught the next bus to Yamuna Nagar. It was late — around 9 PM — when I reached home. I was tired, but the moment I saw you waiting at the door, everything melted. Your eyes… they were so full of relief, but also something else — fear. As if you knew I might be going away soon.

But, Mamma, you are wrong this time. Even if I move cities, even if I build a new life somewhere else, my home will always be where you are. Distance may test us, but it can never break this bond. Sometimes I argue with you, sometimes I forget to say thank you, but I never forget the feel of your fingers wiping my tears, or your voice whispering blessings over my head.

Even now, I just want to be the one who helps you walk when your knees ache. I want to cook your favorite meals and make you laugh with silly recipes. You taught me how to live, now let me be the one to remind you how loved you still are.

You say Tejas should stay with us in Bangalore — maybe you're right. But part of me wants him with you. If I am not around, I want a piece of me to be beside you. Tejas is that piece. He’s my heart walking outside my body — and if he is with you, I’ll feel like I’m never far.

I love you more than words can ever hold. And I’ll keep saying it — because you deserve to hear it every single day.

Always yours,
[Your Name]

---

Letter from Tejas to Nani (Grandmother)

Date: A few days after Mom returned from Bangalore

Dear Nani,

Hi Nani!
Mamma came back from Bangalore and gave me a big hug! I missed her, but I also missed you a lot. Mamma told me the plane flew over Shimla and she said it was so pretty! I asked her if we can go there together, and she said YES! So wait for me, okay? We’ll go to Shimla with you and Dilip uncle, and we’ll eat ice cream in the cold!

Mamma told me I might live in Bangalore soon. I’m a little scared. Will I still get your parathas and achar? Will you still tell me bedtime stories on the phone?

But guess what — I’ll call you every day. I’ll tell Dilip uncle to bring you to Bangalore. Mamma said you can stay with us. I want you to stay with us, Nani. Please say yes. I’ll be good and help you walk when your knees hurt. I’ll make tea for you like Mamma does. Promise.

You are my best friend, Nani. I love you so much. Even if I go to a new city, my heart will stay with you.

Love,
Tejas